On: Fasting & Failure
I am a classic good girl. For as long as I can remember I have been a rule follower. I have struggles, but have become very good at hiding them, mostly because since entering into marriage, it's mostly been my husband who has had issues. (sarcasm) My identity has always been found in the things I could do well for myself, others, and God. I desire to be strong, and good, and I have put my hope in the fact that these things would keep me from trouble and hurt. For about 24 years, they worked really well for me. The last three years have been an unravelling of the depths of my heart and mind of why I do the things I do. What I have been discovering mostly is that I am afraid to disappoint God because I don't want to receive judgement. If I do everything right then He has no reason to judge me, discipline me or punish me- and life will be grand. This has been an exhausting journey, because trying to be right all the time is HARD WORK. The past couple months have been excrucia