Under Construction

So this past week was probably one of the hardest I have had in a while, I was busy with my job and I had an extra phone that I get for emergencies. I only get the phone for 3 weeks out of the year, but depending on the week, those 7 days can feel like an eternity.

I learned a lot last week, and through the ups and the downs, I experienced some really cool things.

I love my job. It has stretched me and challenged me in ways I never thought possible. It has taught me grace, love and joy in the simplest of things. It has also afforded me sweet friendships and moments where I cry from laughter. There are harder moments of course, that test my patience and teach me to listen instead of moving my jaw as fast as shark week. Mostly I learned that just like everyone else, I need to have grace for myself. I sometimes expect so much out of myself that when I don't measure up to these unspoken standards I have set, I am disappointed in myself for not living up  to these agreements I made to me. My friend Jeff kindly said it this way....

The agreements we make with ourselves do not bring freedom if we bind ourselves to them. They bring bondage, and we end up being bound to things that look good, but turn into chains by not measuring up, or trying to keep up.

It's exhausting people.

Grace came in multiple ways last week and I gave thanks yesterday for the ways in which the Lord reminded me every moment of the day of His deep love for me. 

Last week I hit another goal!  I have lost 20 pounds (GASP)

20  F.R.E.A.K.I.N.G pounds people. That is a lot. 

Part of me feels like a masterpiece. Like "Dang girl. You go. You're hot. TAKE ME TO THE MALL... I NEED NEW CLOTHES." 

While the other part is like "um. Kelly. We still have 10 pounds to go. Member that agreement we made? You still have work to do. Get with it."

Sometimes I feel like I need to wear that yellow construction tape  "Under Construction" like the Scarlett Letter across my chest. 

"You are allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work in progress simultaneously."- Sophia Bush 

 I stumbled upon this quote yesterday, and I completely agree. Sophia, your words are on point.

 Jonny was a legit ROCKSTAR husband last week. He did the dishes, he folded the laundry, meal prepped and took out the trash for me. He held me when I cried, and at 3am when I was freaking out because the emergency phone (at 50% before going to bed) died in the middle of the night and I freaked out for a good 5 minutes that I would lose my job and we would be homeless. He prayed over me, encouraged me and spoke so much truth into my life, that it didn't matter what went down, I had Jonny to come home too. 

Our church opened its new sanctuary on Sunday and I was so excited that I got to be apart of something so amazingly beautiful. The music washed over this sinner like a blanket, and the tears flowed freely. Our Pastor encouraged us that God is building His Church, and invites us to be apart of it. I felt such pride bursting through my chest as I sat in my seat, hands intertwined with my husband that we are apart of what God is doing to redeem the world to Himself. A small part, but we play a part nonetheless. 

What I have learned most is how much I need Jesus.

 I need Him every hour, every minute, every second of every day. My heart wants justice for wrong doings and sin, which is normal. However Christ desires grace, mercy, reconciliation and ultimately healing. I want to point the finger at everyone else who is struggling, when I am reminded that I am a fellow struggler myself.  I want my feelings validated, and my opinions to be heard. When ultimately I need to confess my feelings because often they are out of line with Christ's heart. I need to watch my mouth, what I say to others, and about others. I want to be known as a woman who shows exceptional kindness, and nothing less.

It was a week of learning, stretching, laughter and tears. 

I am grateful for each moment though, because I know through it all, He is using the moments and the memories, the failures and victories to shape me into a woman who deeply loves Him, and relies on Him. 

So here's to a new week of grace, mercy and love that knows no end. Cheers friends.