What I Learned Last Night
Last night my husband and I were driving home from having dinner with my parents and my sweet sister who is in town from Arizona. We were talking about my family, how much we love them, and the craziness that is the Leonard family. I mentioned something about our finances, and my precious husband, he just started talking to me, little did he know he was calming me. He was reassuring me that I don't need to worry. We both work hard, really hard. We both love our jobs and we are faithful, hard workers. We are at a special place in our lives. We don't rely on anyone to support us, {except for my dad who puts me on the costco business card so we have costco access, thanks dad.} We don't have any children, we both have relatively new cars in great condition, a beautiful apartment that we love, and we are paying off student loans. We are actually doing really well. Jonny has this way of calming me down, and I am so grateful for him.
The learning part is what happened next...
I was looking for something in my phone. I made a sly comment to Jonny, and then he called me on it. You know what I did? I lied. Right there to my husband. I told him that what I said, was not what I meant. He said "Kelly, I know what you meant." I replied manipulatively "Jonny, I am really trying to be better about my comments, and it really bothers me that you think I meant something else." The knife went deeper into my stomach as the lie became even worse. He responded "Ellie, its okay, I let it go." And he did.
Fast forward ten minutes in the car and three conversations later, I felt the Lord pressing on my heart to confess,
Me: "Jonny, I'm sorry."
Jonny: "It's okay Ellie, I forgive you."
Me: "You don't even know what I am apoligizing for."
Jonny: "Yes I do."
Me: " I hate that I have done the very thing that I get so angry at you and others for doing to me."
Jonny: "It's okay love. We all struggle when we are shameful, its easier to lie. I am proud of you for confessing."
Right then and there it occured to me, the Gary Thomas quote from Sacred Marriage.
"What if God intended marriage to make us more Holy than to make us happy."
I know that Christ has called me to so much more than silly lies. Ihate despise when other people lie to me. It's awful to know when someone is bold face lying to you. Yet, last night I lied to the person I love most. When I asked for forgiveness, he forgave me. He let it go.
Do you want to know what I do when people lie to me? Well, you probably don't, but I will tell you anyways.
I lose a little faith in them.
I hold on to the fact that they have lied to me.
I lose respect in them.
I little by little trust them less and less.
I keep a tally of each and every time they wrong me, and I remind them of it.
Lord, have mercy on my soul. Forgive me.
Last night in the front seat of my Kia Soul, I learned a very valuable lesson. Marriage is designed to make us more like Christ, and less like ourselves. God gave me Jonny to make me more like Christ, than Kelly. The reason he gave me Jonny, is because he knew that I would need grace. I would need a man who wouldn't throw my failures in my face, but simply forgive me. Jonny is that man for me. He is gracious with me, and overwhelms me with peace in the midst of my failures. He loves me in a way that beckons me towards Christ to thank Him for a small glimpse of the way He loves His bride.
People, in today's world where gay marriage is legal, and the divorce rate continues to sky rocket, I encourage you to run to Christ. Let Him write your love story, one that through trial and triumph will overcome not because of attraction, or vows, but because the foundation is on Christ alone.
I am grateful for all these little nuggets of truth that the Lord is graciously teaching me in this season of my life. I may not necessarily be happy all the time, but I am becoming more like Christ. I am becoming more holy. There is joy in that, there is so much beauty in that. It's not that I am not happy, I am. I am joyful, and have so much to be grateful for. It's more that I am learning that the journey of holiness has such a deeper meaning to Christ than my happiness, and he has taken a man I love very much to be one of the main instruments in making me more like Christ, and less like self.
Can I get an amen?
The learning part is what happened next...
I was looking for something in my phone. I made a sly comment to Jonny, and then he called me on it. You know what I did? I lied. Right there to my husband. I told him that what I said, was not what I meant. He said "Kelly, I know what you meant." I replied manipulatively "Jonny, I am really trying to be better about my comments, and it really bothers me that you think I meant something else." The knife went deeper into my stomach as the lie became even worse. He responded "Ellie, its okay, I let it go." And he did.
Fast forward ten minutes in the car and three conversations later, I felt the Lord pressing on my heart to confess,
Me: "Jonny, I'm sorry."
Jonny: "It's okay Ellie, I forgive you."
Me: "You don't even know what I am apoligizing for."
Jonny: "Yes I do."
Me: " I hate that I have done the very thing that I get so angry at you and others for doing to me."
Jonny: "It's okay love. We all struggle when we are shameful, its easier to lie. I am proud of you for confessing."
Right then and there it occured to me, the Gary Thomas quote from Sacred Marriage.
"What if God intended marriage to make us more Holy than to make us happy."
I know that Christ has called me to so much more than silly lies. I
Do you want to know what I do when people lie to me? Well, you probably don't, but I will tell you anyways.
I lose a little faith in them.
I hold on to the fact that they have lied to me.
I lose respect in them.
I little by little trust them less and less.
I keep a tally of each and every time they wrong me, and I remind them of it.
Lord, have mercy on my soul. Forgive me.
Last night in the front seat of my Kia Soul, I learned a very valuable lesson. Marriage is designed to make us more like Christ, and less like ourselves. God gave me Jonny to make me more like Christ, than Kelly. The reason he gave me Jonny, is because he knew that I would need grace. I would need a man who wouldn't throw my failures in my face, but simply forgive me. Jonny is that man for me. He is gracious with me, and overwhelms me with peace in the midst of my failures. He loves me in a way that beckons me towards Christ to thank Him for a small glimpse of the way He loves His bride.
People, in today's world where gay marriage is legal, and the divorce rate continues to sky rocket, I encourage you to run to Christ. Let Him write your love story, one that through trial and triumph will overcome not because of attraction, or vows, but because the foundation is on Christ alone.
I am grateful for all these little nuggets of truth that the Lord is graciously teaching me in this season of my life. I may not necessarily be happy all the time, but I am becoming more like Christ. I am becoming more holy. There is joy in that, there is so much beauty in that. It's not that I am not happy, I am. I am joyful, and have so much to be grateful for. It's more that I am learning that the journey of holiness has such a deeper meaning to Christ than my happiness, and he has taken a man I love very much to be one of the main instruments in making me more like Christ, and less like self.
Can I get an amen?
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