Let Yourself be Flawed

2anger

noun
: a strong feeling of being upset or annoyed because of something wrong or bad : the feeling that makes someone want to hurt other people, to shout, etc. : the feeling of being angry.

this word. I hate it. It's one of my deepest struggles. Emotions stir inside of me and create feelings of discontent. These feelings then turn to anger. Sometimes it gets so out of control; I say things I don't mean. I crucify with my speech, and I am left in the wake of my sin.

It hurts. Anger hurts. Anger, when not controlled is sin. And sin devastates and usually leaves in its path of devastation. We are left to pick up the pieces, forgive, forget even, and then move on. But anger is funny like that. Anger lingers, and usually finds its way back in sooner or later. I have never wanted to hurt someone out of anger, but my speech is deathly. Why do we long to hurt others? Why do we feel the need to get the last word? I am so guilty of this. The last word. The lingering word. I have forgotten all the other words I have yelled in my fit of rage. So that last word is always so important. 
Not. 

Some may look at me and think "that girl? Anger? nooooo...." 
This girl. Anger. YESSSSS. and I hate it. 

I prayed for forgiveness this morning of anger that has filled my heart. My expectations, the way I think things should go often make me angry, because we all know the way we planned it in our head is perfect. But it NEVER ends up going that way. I am left in the midst of my shattered expectations and so kindly given the reality of the situation. Why did no one ever warn me of this? Hellooo? Help a sister out. Tell her that plans rarely go accordingly, and to not be devastated when the fit hits the shan. 

Truth be told, I have come a long way with my expectations and my anger. We are talking miracles have happened, and Jesus has stepped in and shut my mouth. But there are days where I struggle and my anger comes back in full swing, and I am reminded of where I used to be. Who I was then, and the hurt that brought me to such a hard place. I beg for forgiveness and thank Jesus for my journey. This journey of healing and grace, and becoming a better me. Well, actually less of me, and more of Christ. There are still difficult days that remind me of hard times, but there is also a good God who sees my weaknesses and beckons me to his arms with my tears, and sees each tear, and still calls me His child. When we are weak, He is strong. (2 Corinthians 12:10)




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